On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
