I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
