i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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