You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
