a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Who died my cat blue again?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
