and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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