i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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