I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
