Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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