so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
