i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
