Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
