Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
