i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Who died my cat blue again?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
