I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
