I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Is her dick bigger than yours?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
