Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
