never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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