I have demons in me.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
