I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
