i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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