Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
