just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
