For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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