I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
His nipple licking is glorious
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