Cold hands, warm shart.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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