I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
