i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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