can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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