i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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