The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Randomize
