I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
