We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
