Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
