OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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