Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
