his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
