i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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