dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
