Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
