entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
