we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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