Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Randomize
