My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
