You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
