pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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