I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
