Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
