Moan for me like Helen Keller
he puts the penis in happiness.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
