Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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